I was having coffee with an old colleague last week when he mentioned something that stuck with me. “You know what’s strange about turning 65?” he said. “Some of our friends seem to be thriving while others are just… existing.”
He was right. At 64 myself, I’ve noticed the same pattern. Some people hit their 60s and flourish, while others seem to slowly withdraw from life.
This observation sent me diving into psychology research, and what I found was fascinating. The difference between those who thrive and those who merely survive isn’t about luck or genetics. It’s about specific habits that create a compound effect over time.
After examining the research and reflecting on what I’ve witnessed in my own social circles, I’ve identified seven habits that distinguish people who truly flourish in their 60s and beyond.
1. They prioritize quality friendships over quantity
When I retired two years ago, I made a conscious decision about my social life. Instead of trying to maintain dozens of superficial connections from my working days, I focused on deepening a handful of genuine friendships. Turns out, research backs this approach.
According to Dr. William Chopik from Michigan State University, friendships become even more important than family ties for our wellbeing as we age. He has said that in older adults, friendships are actually a stronger predictor of health and happiness than relationships with family members.
This surprised me at first, but it makes sense. We choose our friends. They’re the people who genuinely want to spend time with us, not out of obligation but because they enjoy our company. After retirement, when the forced social interactions of work disappear, these chosen relationships become our lifeline to engagement and vitality.
I’ve watched too many people let friendships slide after 60, assuming it’s natural to become more isolated with age. But those who thrive do the opposite. They invest time in coffee dates, join book clubs, and make the effort to stay connected even when it would be easier to stay home.
2. They maintain a positive attitude toward aging
Here’s something that might sound like feel-good nonsense but is actually backed by hard science: how you think about getting older affects how long you live. Yale psychologist Becca Levy studied older adults and found that those with a more positive outlook on aging lived, on average, 7.5 years longer.
Seven and a half years. Let that sink in.
I’ll admit, maintaining positivity about aging isn’t always easy. My knees remind me I’m not 30 anymore every morning when I get out of bed. But I’ve learned to reframe these changes. Instead of focusing on what I can’t do anymore, I appreciate what I can do that I couldn’t when I was younger. I have more patience, better perspective, and zero interest in impressing people who don’t matter.
3. They stay physically active without obsessing about it
Every morning, I start my day with coffee and a walk. Not a power walk or a training session, just a walk. This simple habit has become as essential to my wellbeing as breathing.
Linda P. Fried, dean of Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health, puts it perfectly: “exercise is the closest thing we’ve found to a magic pill for combating the effects of aging”.
The key word here is “combating.” We’re not trying to reverse aging or pretend we’re younger. We’re working with our bodies to maintain function and vitality. People who thrive understand this distinction. They stay active not to look 40 but to feel capable and energized at 70.
4. They keep learning new things
Last year, I decided to tackle something that had always intimidated me: understanding how modern technology actually works. Not just using it, but understanding it. Was it frustrating? Absolutely. Did I feel foolish asking my neighbor’s teenager for help? You bet. But something interesting happened along the way.
Research shows that continued learning protects our brains as we age. For instance, speaking two or more languages, even if you learned the second language in adulthood, may slow age-related cognitive decline. The same principle applies to any new skill or knowledge area.
People who thrive after 60 stay curious. They take classes, read widely, and ask questions without worrying about looking ignorant. They understand that the moment you stop learning, you start declining.
5. They volunteer and give back
After spending decades focused on career advancement and personal goals, retirement offers something different: the chance to contribute without expecting anything in return.
More than that, according to Stanford Post, research suggests older adults who volunteer have reduced risk of hypertension, lower mortality rates, delayed physical disability, enhanced cognition, and lower rates of depression compared to their non-volunteering counterparts.
I’d well believe it. I started tutoring at the local library last year. Two hours a week, nothing dramatic. But the impact on my own wellbeing surprised me. There’s something profoundly satisfying about using your accumulated knowledge to help someone else succeed. It provides structure, purpose, and connection all at once.
6. They cultivate a sense of purpose
Retirement can feel like falling off a cliff if you’re not prepared for it. One day you’re needed, important, busy. The next day, your phone stops ringing and your calendar is empty. This identity shift from being professionally needed to choosing what matters personally is one of the biggest psychological challenges of aging.
People who thrive don’t just find hobbies to fill time. They identify what genuinely matters to them and pursue it with intention. For some, it’s grandchildren. For others, it’s creative projects or causes they believe in.
Closing thoughts
The habits that help people thrive after 60 aren’t mysterious or complicated. They’re simple practices that compound over time. The real challenge isn’t knowing what to do but actually doing it consistently when no one is watching and no external structure demands it.
If you’re reading this and feeling overwhelmed, here’s my practical rule of thumb: pick one habit and commit to it for thirty days. Just one. Whether it’s a daily walk, a weekly coffee date with a friend, or signing up for that class you’ve been considering. Start there. In my experience, momentum builds naturally once you begin.
The choice between thriving and merely surviving in your 60s and beyond isn’t made in a single moment. It’s made through thousands of small decisions about how to spend your days, who to spend them with, and what mindset you bring to the inevitable changes of aging.
