A colleague from my working days called last week. He wanted advice about his mother, who at 92 still lives independently, manages her investments, and just started learning to use an iPad.
Meanwhile, his father-in-law, barely 75, struggles with basic decisions and seems emotionally adrift.
“What’s her secret?” he asked.
The question stuck with me during my morning walk. I’ve watched this pattern throughout my career and now in retirement.
Some people reach their 90s with remarkable mental clarity and emotional stability, while others seem to lose their edge decades earlier. The difference isn’t genetics or luck. It’s the habits they built long before anyone else started thinking about aging.
After years of observing colleagues, mentors, and now fellow retirees, I’ve identified seven habits that separate those who stay sharp from those who don’t.
The surprising part? The people who thrive into their 90s weren’t thinking about aging when they built these habits. They were simply living according to principles that happened to protect their minds and emotional wellbeing for the long haul.
1. They read actual books, not just headlines
Every sharp 90-year-old I know has been a serious reader for decades. Not casual article skimming or social media scrolling, but deep, sustained reading of actual books.
There’s something about following a complex argument through 300 pages that keeps your brain elastic.
When I scan the news each morning with my coffee, I’m getting information. When I sit down with a history book in the evening, I’m exercising mental muscles that quick content consumption can’t touch.
The people who stay mentally sharp into their 90s started this habit in their 40s and 50s, when work and family demanded most of their time.
They carved out reading time anyway. They chose books that challenged them, made them think differently, forced them to hold multiple ideas in their heads simultaneously.
Most people abandon serious reading after formal education ends. They think they’re too busy, too tired.
But those who thrive understand that reading isn’t leisure; it’s maintenance for the mind. The cognitive reserve they build through decades of reading becomes their protection against mental decline.
2. They have genuine conversations, not just exchanges of information
Here’s what I’ve noticed about people who stay emotionally grounded into old age: they know how to have real conversations.
Not weather talk, not complaint sessions, but actual exchanges where both people walk away having learned something or felt something.
In my working life, I spent years in rooms where every word was calculated, where conversations were chess matches. Now in retirement, I see the value of conversations that go deeper.
The sharp 90-year-olds I know started practicing this decades ago. They ask follow-up questions. They share vulnerable thoughts. They listen to understand, not to respond.
This habit matters because genuine conversation requires emotional regulation, perspective-taking, and cognitive flexibility.
Every real conversation is a workout for both your emotional and intellectual capacities. The people who maintain this habit build resilience against both cognitive decline and emotional isolation.
3. They learned to manage their emotions before emotions managed them
I learned early in my career that staying calm beats getting emotional in conflict. But the people who thrive into their 90s took this further.
They didn’t just control their emotions in high-stakes moments; they developed daily practices for emotional regulation.
Some meditated. Others journaled. Many simply developed the habit of pausing before reacting. What matters isn’t the specific practice but the commitment to emotional self-awareness that started decades before they needed it.
Watch someone in their 90s who’s still sharp. They don’t fly off the handle at small frustrations. They don’t spiral into anxiety about things they can’t control.
This emotional steadiness didn’t appear overnight. They built it through years of practice, starting when emotional storms felt manageable, creating habits that would sustain them when life got harder.
4. They stayed curious about how the world works
The mentally sharp 90-year-olds I know share an unusual trait: they’re still trying to figure things out. Not in an anxious way, but with genuine curiosity about how things work and why people do what they do.
My own habit of reading history to understand power dynamics and leadership failures is part of this pattern.
When you stay curious about human behavior, political incentives, or technological change, you keep your brain in learning mode. You’re constantly updating your mental models instead of relying on outdated assumptions.
People who lose their edge stopped being curious somewhere along the way. They decided they’d learned enough, seen enough, understood enough.
But those who stay sharp never stopped asking why. They built the habit of intellectual curiosity when their minds were strong, and that habit carried them through.
5. They developed routines that protected their autonomy
Every sharp 90-year-old I know is almost obsessive about their routines.
Not rigid, inflexible routines, but consistent patterns that give structure to their days. They started building these routines decades before retirement, understanding that structure creates freedom, not constraint.
My own morning routine of tea, news scanning, and walking might seem simple, but it anchors my day. It ensures I move my body, engage my mind, and start with intention rather than drift.
The people who thrive into their 90s built similar routines in their 50s and 60s, long before they needed them to maintain independence.
These routines matter because they become automatic even when decision-making becomes harder. They ensure essential activities happen without requiring constant willpower. They provide stability when everything else feels uncertain.
6. They cultivated interests outside their primary identity
The identity shift from being professionally needed to choosing what matters personally hit me hard in early retirement. But those who stay sharp into their 90s never let their work become their only identity.
They cultivated genuine interests outside their careers long before retirement forced the issue. They had hobbies that engaged them intellectually. They developed skills unrelated to their professions. They built identities as gardeners, photographers, historians, volunteers, not just as lawyers or executives or teachers.
This matters because when your professional identity disappears, you need something else to anchor you. The people who thrive had already built those anchors. They had practices and interests that gave their lives meaning independent of external validation.
7. They chose growth over comfort, even when comfort was easier
The final habit that separates those who stay sharp from those who don’t: they consistently chose growth over comfort, even when they had every excuse to choose comfort.
At 64, I could easily justify avoiding new challenges. I’ve earned my comfort. But watching those who’ve thrived into their 90s, I see they made different choices.
In their 50s and 60s, when they could have coasted, they took on new projects. They learned new skills. They put themselves in situations where they might fail.
This habit of choosing growth becomes a protective factor against decline. Every new challenge creates new neural pathways. Every uncomfortable situation builds resilience.
The people who stay sharp understood that comfort is the enemy of vitality, and they built the habit of gentle discomfort long before aging made everything uncomfortable anyway.
Closing thoughts
The people who stay sharp and emotionally grounded into their 90s weren’t thinking about aging when they built these habits. They were simply living according to principles that valued growth, connection, and engagement. They understood that the mind and emotions, like the body, require consistent maintenance.
The encouraging truth is that these habits can be built at any age. The discouraging truth is that most people won’t build them until crisis forces their hand, and by then, it’s much harder.
If you want to stay sharp into your 90s, don’t wait until you’re worried about aging. Start now. Pick one habit from this list and commit to it for the next month. The person you’ll be in 30 years is being shaped by the habits you build today.
