It’s that time of year when the holidays role around that many people who are single really crave the companionship of another person. One of the most common places people find love is in the workplace. Is this a good idea or not?
Many HR professionals advise against becoming involved with a coworker, for the obvious reasons of favoritism, sharing classified information between departments and of course, the aftereffects if there is a breakup. It’s for these reasons that many organizations have a strict “no dating colleagues” mandate in place and breaking this rule can cost you your job. When an in-office relationship ends, it’s no longer just about you and your ex. It now impacts your coworkers, managers and even your customers.
On the other hand, there have been many workplace relationships that have worked out well overtime. In fact, many turned into long-lasting marriages.
It’s not an uncommon trend, either. The Society for Human Resource Management conducted a survey of 700 professionals that found half of survey respondents admit to having had romantic feelings for a co-worker and nearly one-fourth have asked a colleague out.
The bottom line: it’s a slippery slope to walk, but it can work out. If you do happen to fall in love in the workplace this holiday season, here are five things to keep in mind.
Separate business and pleasure
Once you enter the doors of your workplace, your partner should become your coworker and nothing more. Pay attention not to act like a couple at work, as this can be distracting and cause your peers to feel uncomfortable. Shut out all relationship matters until the moment you both leave work. Forget the fact that you had a fight that morning, that you can’t wait to sleep together, etc. Don’t bring stress from home into the workplace but also don’t bring stress from the workplace into your home. This requires some discipline but dissociating these two elements will benefit both your job and your love life.
Use your connection to your advantage
You will feel more comfortable around your significant other than other peers, of course. Use the spark that already exists between you to excel in your work duties. You know exactly what your partner is good at or what he or she may have trouble with. Aid each other in projects and tasks, from reminding your partner about a deadline to giving them ideas about a presentation. This doesn’t mean that you’ll perform your partner’s work for him, but that you should support each other in the office just as much as you do outside of it.
Be aware of your behavior
Understand that your significant other will be much more attentive to you than to others. Your partner may see you innocently flirting with a peer and become jealous when anyone else wouldn’t notice. Or, your partner may get upset that a coworker is treating you badly, whereas other peers would remain oblivious to the unfair treatment. Heightened sensitivity is one of the obstacles of workplace dating. Be aware of your actions so as not to create drama that seeps from your job into your relationship.
Don’t volunteer information
Once your relationship becomes serious, you’ll have to be open and honest with your superiors. But as much as your boss will have to know the truth, your peers have to know nothing. Your private life is just that: yours and private. You don’t need to brag to all the ladies around the office that you’re dating handsome Hank, why, or for how long. Don’t make the workplace a gossip hall about your romance; external influences can ravage a perfectly good relationship. Never divulge personal details about your significant other to your coworkers, as it can be both embarrassing and damaging to your partner’s career.
Set up a plan B
As much as you both may be in love today, there’s no telling what tomorrow can bring. You and your partner need to be on the same page in case the relationship ends. You can’t be expected to quit your job just because you broke up! Come to terms on how you would handle a separation if it ever comes to that. If you feel it’s necessary, you can even write up an agreement and sign it to ensure you’ll both stick to your promises. It’s no different than a married couple who signs a prenuptial agreement prior to saying their “I do’s.”
The takeaway
Workplace dating can be tricky to say the least. But love will find a way, as it often does, and two people who genuinely fit each other should be together no matter their employment. I highly recommend that companies put policies in place that clearly outline what is permissible. This holiday season, when love comes knocking on your door in the form of a colleague, consider the rules above to fulfill your career, your partner, and your own joy.
Dr. Carmen Harra PhD. is author of the book “Committed: Finding Love and Loyalty Through the Seven Archetypes” .
