Last week at the grocery store, I watched a young cashier’s face tighten as the man ahead of me launched into a detailed medical history while fumbling for exact change.
Behind us, the line grew longer. The cashier’s polite smile became increasingly strained. The man seemed oblivious, continuing his story about his recent procedure while counting out pennies.
I’ve been observing these moments more carefully lately. At 64, I’m increasingly aware of the subtle ways my generation creates discomfort for younger people without realizing it.
We think we’re being friendly or helpful, but something gets lost in translation across the generational divide.
The truth is uncomfortable but worth examining: Many behaviors that feel natural to those of us over 60 actively push younger people away.
These aren’t character flaws or moral failings. They’re habits formed in a different era, maintained without awareness of how they land today.
After years of watching these dynamics play out and occasionally catching myself in these patterns, I’ve identified nine specific behaviors that create the most friction.
Understanding them might help us navigate these waters with more grace.
1) Offering unsolicited advice about life choices
Young people today face a fundamentally different economic and social landscape than we did. Yet many of us can’t resist explaining how they should handle their careers, relationships, or finances based on what worked in 1985.
I’ve watched colleagues squirm as older relatives explain why they should buy a house immediately, get married before 30, or stay at one company for decades.
These suggestions ignore current realities: Student debt that dwarfs what we faced, a gig economy that’s replaced job security, and social norms that have shifted entirely.
The discomfort isn’t about rejecting wisdom. It’s about feeling misunderstood by people who assume their blueprint still applies.
When we offer advice without being asked, we signal that we haven’t been paying attention to how much has changed.
2) Dismissing technology struggles while demanding tech support
Nothing makes younger people more uncomfortable than hearing “I don’t do computers” followed immediately by a request to fix a phone problem.
This contradiction creates a particular kind of tension that I’ve witnessed repeatedly.
We minimize the complexity of digital literacy while simultaneously requiring extensive help with basic tasks. We treat technology as optional while depending on others to navigate it for us.
This dynamic forces younger people into unpaid tech support roles while their actual expertise gets dismissed as “just knowing computers.”
The issue isn’t our struggle with technology. It’s the refusal to acknowledge it as essential knowledge while still expecting others to bridge that gap for us.
3) Telling the same stories repeatedly without awareness
Memory works differently as we age, and stories that feel fresh to us might be on their fifth or sixth telling.
I’ve noticed younger relatives develop a particular glazed expression when certain narratives begin. They’re too polite to interrupt but visibly uncomfortable with the repetition.
The problem compounds when these stories serve no conversational purpose beyond filling silence.
They don’t respond to what others have said or advance the discussion. They simply replay, creating an awkward dynamic where younger people feel trapped in a loop they can’t politely escape.
4) Making comments about appearance and weight
My generation grew up when commenting on someone’s weight or appearance was considered normal conversation. “You’ve gained weight” or “You look tired” were observations, not attacks. That social contract has expired, but many of us haven’t updated our programming.
These comments create immediate discomfort for younger people who’ve grown up with different boundaries around body image and personal remarks. What we might intend as concern or observation lands as criticism or boundary-crossing.
The generational difference in what’s considered acceptable to comment on creates tension in every interaction.
5) Monopolizing conversations with health complaints
Yes, aging brings physical challenges. But turning every conversation into a medical update makes younger people deeply uncomfortable. They don’t know how to respond to detailed descriptions of procedures, medications, and symptoms.
The conversation becomes a monologue they can’t meaningfully participate in.
I’ve watched younger people try to redirect these conversations, only to have them circle back to health issues.
This pattern signals that we’re not interested in actual exchange, just in being heard about our struggles. It creates a dynamic where younger people feel like unwilling audiences rather than conversation partners.
Language evolves. What was acceptable to say in 1975 might be offensive now. When we dig in our heels about “political correctness” or insist on using outdated terms, we create immediate discomfort for younger people who have to decide whether to correct us or let it slide.
This isn’t about being perfect or walking on eggshells. It’s about recognizing that refusing to update our understanding of respectful language forces younger people into uncomfortable positions.
They become unwilling arbiters of what to challenge and what to ignore, a role that exhausts them and damages relationships.
7) Expecting immediate responses and availability
We call instead of texting when something could be a simple message. We expect immediate callbacks. We show up unannounced.
These behaviors, normal in our era, violate current communication norms that younger generations navigate daily.
The discomfort isn’t about not wanting contact. It’s about different expectations of availability and response time.
When we ignore these new protocols, we force younger people to choose between their boundaries and appearing disrespectful to elders.
8) Speaking for service workers
Many of us developed habits of speaking slowly and loudly to service workers, explaining what they should do, or correcting their approach to their own jobs.
We think we’re being helpful. Younger people see it as condescending and uncomfortable to witness.
This behavior particularly unsettles younger people because it reveals assumptions about competence and authority that feel outdated.
They watch us treat capable adults as if they need guidance in their own workplace, creating secondhand embarrassment and discomfort.
9) Resisting change while complaining about consequences
We refuse to try new restaurants, new routes, new methods, then complain when our familiar options disappear.
This contradiction makes younger people uncomfortable because they’re often tasked with solving problems we’ve created through our own inflexibility.
When we won’t adapt to online banking but complain about branch closures, or refuse to learn new systems but get frustrated when old ones become obsolete, we create a dynamic where younger people feel responsible for managing our resistance to reality.
Closing thoughts
Recognizing these patterns isn’t about self-flagellation or abandoning who we are. It’s about understanding the disconnect between our intentions and impact.
Most of us aren’t trying to make anyone uncomfortable. We’re operating from outdated software that needs updating.
The practical step forward is simple but requires humility: Pay attention to the subtle signs of discomfort in younger people around you.
That slight tension in their voice, the pause before responding, the subject changes that seem abrupt. These are signals worth heeding.
We can maintain our values and experience while adapting our behavior to create less friction across generational lines. The choice isn’t between being ourselves and being considerate.
It’s between staying rigid in patterns that isolate us and evolving in ways that keep us connected.
