You know that moment after a meeting when you replay everything you said, cringing at how you phrased that one comment?
Yesterday, I caught myself doing exactly this after a client call. I’d used all the right business words, tried to project confidence, but somehow came across as the opposite.
Here’s what I’ve learned after years of building teams and watching high performers operate: Confidence isn’t about what you’re trying to project. It’s about what you stop doing. And the biggest tell?
The phrases we use when we’re desperately trying to sound sure of ourselves.
I’ve identified nine phrases that broadcast insecurity like a neon sign, even when you think you’re being assertive. I’ve used every single one of them.
1) “I could be wrong, but…”
This is the ultimate hedge. You’re pre-apologizing for having an opinion before anyone’s even challenged it.
I watched a senior engineer tank her own proposal last week with this opener. She had the data, the experience, the solution.
But she started with “I could be wrong, but I think we should restructure the database.” The room immediately started looking for why she might be wrong instead of listening to her actual point.
When you lead with doubt, you’re training people to doubt you. Your brain thinks it’s protecting you from criticism, but it’s actually inviting it.
The fix: State your position, then add context if needed. “We should restructure the database. Here’s what I’m seeing in the performance metrics.”
2) “Does that make sense?”
Every third email I write ends with this phrase before I catch myself and delete it. It sounds helpful, like you’re checking for understanding. But it’s actually asking for validation.
You’re not really asking if your explanation was clear. You’re asking if you’re allowed to have this thought. If it’s okay that you spoke up. If you’ve earned the right to take up this conversational space.
Strong communicators put the burden of clarity on themselves without begging for reassurance. Try “Let me know if you need more detail on any of that” instead. Same door stays open, but you’re not on your knees.
3) “I’m no expert, but…”
Unless someone specifically asked you to prove your credentials, this is pure self-sabotage. You’re literally telling people to discount what comes next.
I’ve noticed this especially creeps in when someone actually does have expertise but feels weird claiming it.
The accountant who starts tax advice with “I’m no expert.” The developer who prefaces code reviews with it. The manager who’s been doing this for a decade but still minimizes their pattern recognition.
If you genuinely lack expertise, be specific about what you do know: “Based on what I saw in the Johnson project” or “From my experience with similar systems.” Don’t blanket-discredit yourself.
4) “Sorry to bother you…”
I used to start every Slack message this way. Every email to someone senior. Every time I knocked on an office door. I was apologizing for existing in professional spaces.
You’re not bothering someone by doing your job. You’re not bothering them by asking necessary questions. You’re definitely not bothering them by following up on something they owe you.
This phrase tells people your time is worth less than theirs before you’ve even made your request. It sets up a power dynamic where you’re the supplicant, not a colleague.
Replace it with “When you have a moment” or just dive straight into your question. People will let you know if the timing doesn’t work.
5) “I was just thinking…”
The word “just” is confidence kryptonite. You’re not “just” thinking. You’re analyzing, problem-solving, contributing.
Watch how often this creeps into professional communication. “I just wanted to check in.” “I just had a quick question.” “I was just wondering if maybe we could possibly consider…”
Each “just” makes you smaller. It’s a linguistic cringe, a verbal flinch before anyone’s even swung at you.
Strip it out completely. “I was thinking we should revisit the timeline.” Period. Your thoughts don’t need to apologize for themselves.
6) “This might be a stupid question, but…”
I sat through a training yesterday where three different people used this phrase before asking completely reasonable questions.
Questions that clarified important points. Questions other people were also wondering about.
When you label your question as stupid, you accomplish two things: You make yourself look insecure, and you make everyone else afraid to ask their own questions.
There are very few genuinely stupid questions in professional settings. There are clarifying questions, confirming questions, and questions that reveal gaps in communication.
Own them. “I want to make sure I understand this correctly” works without the self-harm.
7) “I think maybe we should possibly consider…”
Count the qualifiers. I think. Maybe. Possibly. You’ve buried your idea under so much uncertainty that no one can find it.
This is what fear sounds like when it’s trying to make a suggestion. You want credit if it works but distance if it doesn’t. So you wrap your idea in bubble wrap until it’s too soft to make an impact.
I catch myself doing this when I’m proposing something that feels risky. The more qualifiers I add, the more I’m trying to preempt rejection.
Pick one qualifier if you must, then make your point. “I think we should consider outsourcing this piece” is plenty soft without being shapeless.
8) “Sorry, but I disagree…”
Why are you apologizing for having a different perspective? That’s literally why they invited multiple people to the meeting.
I used to do this constantly, especially with people I wanted to like me. As if disagreement was a personal attack I needed to cushion. I confused being liked with being safe, and agreement felt like the price of admission.
Disagreement doesn’t require an apology. It requires clarity and respect. “I see it differently” or “My experience suggests otherwise” opens the discussion without the submissive posture.
9) “Am I making any sense?”
This is “does that make sense?” on anxiety steroids. You’re not just asking for validation; you’re expressing active doubt that you’re capable of coherent thought.
I notice this one slips out when I’m explaining something complex or when I’m talking to someone I perceive as smarter. It’s my insecurity looking for an exit ramp mid-explanation.
The tragic part: Asking this question often makes people doubt your clarity even if they were following perfectly. You’re creating the confusion you’re afraid of.
Bottom line
These phrases are avoidance patterns dressed up as politeness. They’re fear management masquerading as communication. Every time you use them, you’re trading short-term comfort for long-term credibility.
Start by picking the two phrases you use most. For the next week, catch yourself before you say them. Don’t add new scripts or perfect replacements yet.
Just notice how often you’re about to minimize yourself out of habit.
The goal isn’t to become insufferably assertive. It’s to stop negotiating your right to exist in professional spaces. You don’t need to apologize for having thoughts, asking questions, or taking up room.
Your ideas are good enough to stand without apology. Your questions are worth asking without disclaimers. Your presence doesn’t require permission.
The confidence you’re trying to project? It’s just your regular voice without all the hedging.
