Last month at my neighbor’s funeral, I watched his widow struggle with the simplest decisions. She was 72, sharp as ever, but completely unprepared for life without him.
They’d retired together at 65, and for seven years, they’d done everything as a unit. Now she didn’t even know their accountant’s name.
It struck me how many retirees I know who thrived past 70 versus those who struggled, and the difference wasn’t luck or genetics. It was the choices they made in their 60s.
After three years of retirement myself, I’ve noticed patterns among my peers that psychology research confirms. The ones who sail through their 70s avoided specific mistakes that trap most people in their 60s.
These aren’t the obvious errors like not saving enough money or ignoring health problems. These are the subtle psychological traps that seem harmless at 65 but become prison walls by 75.
1) They didn’t let their world shrink
Retirement makes it dangerously easy to let your world get smaller. You stop commuting, so you drive less. You leave work friendships behind. Pretty soon, your routine becomes house, grocery store, doctor’s appointments, repeat.
The retirees who thrive past 70 fought this tendency in their 60s. They joined new groups before old ones faded.
They maintained reasons to leave the house that weren’t errands or obligations.
Research from Harvard’s aging studies shows that people with diverse social contacts in their 60s maintained better cognitive function and mobility in their 70s and beyond.
I watched a former colleague let his world shrink after retiring at 62. By 68, he was anxious about driving to unfamiliar places.
Now at 71, his wife does all the driving, and he rarely leaves their neighborhood.
Compare that to another friend who joined a photography club at 63, started attending exhibitions, and at 74 still travels internationally for photo shoots.
2) They didn’t stop being useful
Here’s something I’ve wrestled with personally. In retirement, I discovered how much of my self-worth was tied to usefulness and competence.
Without deadlines and people depending on me, I felt adrift. The question I keep returning to in my notebook is: “What am I optimizing for now?”
People who struggle after 70 often made the mistake of completely abandoning their sense of purpose in their 60s.
They confused leisure with meaning. Psychology research on successful aging consistently shows that maintaining a sense of purpose and contribution predicts better physical and mental health outcomes.
The key isn’t to replicate your working life but to find new ways to matter. The thriving retirees I know volunteer strategically, choosing roles where their expertise counts.
They mentor. They serve on boards. They maintain that sense of being needed without the crushing pressure of full-time work.
3) They didn’t become their spouse’s only companion
This mistake nearly destroyed several marriages I’ve witnessed. Couples retire and suddenly they’re together 24/7, often for the first time in forty years. Without the natural separation work provided, they become each other’s entire social world.
The couples thriving in their 70s established independent activities and friendships in their 60s. They recognized that being everything to each other is too heavy a burden for any relationship.
One couple I know has a simple rule: Three days a week, they do their own thing until dinner. She volunteers at the library; he plays golf. They have more to talk about at dinner than couples who never separate.
4) They didn’t ignore their changing brain
Around 65, I noticed I was forgetting names more often, losing my train of thought mid-sentence. Many people experience these changes and either panic or dismiss them entirely. Both responses are mistakes.
Those who thrive past 70 took these early signs seriously without catastrophizing. They started brain training in their 60s, not when problems became severe.
They learned memory techniques, took up challenging hobbies, stayed socially engaged. They understood that cognitive reserve built in your 60s protects you in your 70s and beyond.
5) They didn’t stop learning technology
I know this sounds minor, but hear me out. The retirees struggling most in their 70s are the ones who gave up on technology in their 60s. They said things like “I’m too old for this” or “I don’t need a smartphone.”
Now they can’t video chat with grandchildren, can’t use medical portals, can’t order groceries online when driving becomes difficult.
Technology isn’t just convenience; it’s connection and independence. The ones who stayed current in their 60s maintained crucial lifelines that keep them engaged and autonomous later.
6) They didn’t hand over all financial control
Several widowed friends discovered too late that their spouse handled everything financial. At 75, they’re learning about investments, insurance, and taxes for the first time while grieving.
Successful retirees ensure both partners understand their finances in their 60s. They both know where accounts are, how to pay bills, who their advisors are.
I view money as freedom and leverage, not identity, but that freedom disappears if you don’t know how to access or manage it.
7) They didn’t neglect their future self
This is subtle but crucial. People in their 60s often make decisions as if they’ll always have their current energy and mobility. They buy houses with lots of stairs, skip grab bar installations, maintain high-maintenance yards.
Those thriving past 70 made future-friendly choices in their 60s. They simplified before they had to. They moved closer to services while they still had choices.
They modified homes for aging in place while they could afford it and oversee the work properly.
8) They didn’t postpone the hard conversations
Every difficult conversation postponed in your 60s becomes a crisis in your 70s. End-of-life preferences, power of attorney, living arrangements if one spouse needs care.
These conversations feel premature at 65, but they’re actually perfectly timed.
I recently explored these themes in Jeanette Brown’s new course “Your Retirement Your Way,” and it reminded me that retirement isn’t an ending but a beginning for reinvention.
Jeanette’s guidance inspired me to see that identity exists beyond career titles and that our beliefs about aging literally shape our reality.
I wish I’d had this resource when I first retired. The course challenged my assumption that purpose comes from retirement activities, showing instead that fulfillment comes from authentic self-expression.
Closing thoughts
The mistakes that derail people in their 70s aren’t dramatic failures but quiet surrenders in their 60s. Each small retreat from engagement, learning, and growth compounds over time.
The good news? If you’re in your 60s, you’re in the prevention window. Every connection maintained, skill learned, and conversation completed now pays dividends later.
If you’re already past this window, most of these principles still apply. The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago; the second best time is today.
My practical rule: Once a month, ask yourself what you’re avoiding because of your age. Then do that thing. Not recklessly, but intentionally.
Because the mistakes that haunt us aren’t usually the things we tried but the things we stopped trying.
