You know what’s wild? Research shows that the words people use to describe you behind your back are actually more accurate predictors of your personality than how you describe yourself.
I learned this during my years in brand work, where we’d analyze how consumers talked about products when they thought no one was listening.
Turns out, the same principle applies to people. When someone’s not trying to be polite or spare your feelings, their word choices reveal what they genuinely think of you.
After diving into the psychology research on this, I’ve found that when people consistently use these 10 specific words to describe you, it signals something powerful: You have the kind of personality that creates real connection, not just surface-level charm.
Here’s what those words are and why they matter more than you might think.
1) Genuine
This one hits different because it’s become so rare. When people call you genuine, they’re saying you don’t shift personalities depending on who’s in the room.
I’ve watched this play out countless times in professional settings. The people who get described as genuine are the ones who’ll give you the same energy whether you’re the CEO or the intern.
They’re not performing authenticity—they’re just being consistent.
Psychology backs this up. Studies on interpersonal attraction show that perceived authenticity is one of the strongest predictors of likability.
People can sense when you’re not trying to manage their impression of you, and it creates immediate trust.
The tell? Genuine people often share unflattering truths about themselves without making it a whole thing. They’ll mention their mistakes without the dramatic self-deprecation that screams “please reassure me.”
2) Warm
Warmth is different from being nice. Nice is a behavior. Warmth is an energy.
Psychologists measure warmth as one half of the two fundamental dimensions we use to judge others (the other being competence).
When someone describes you as warm, they’re essentially saying you make them feel safe to be themselves.
Here’s what I’ve noticed: Warm people don’t just ask “how are you?” They pause for the actual answer. They remember the small stuff you mentioned weeks ago. They create this invisible bubble where judgment feels impossible.
The research on this is fascinating. Warmth judgments happen within milliseconds of meeting someone, and they predict everything from hiring decisions to romantic attraction.
3) Consistent
Nobody talks about consistency as a personality trait, but they should.
When people describe you as consistent, they’re really saying you’re emotionally safe. They know which version of you they’re getting today. Your mood doesn’t dictate how you treat people.
I learned this lesson the hard way in my media days. The colleagues everyone trusted weren’t necessarily the most talented—they were the ones whose behavior you could predict.
Bad day? They still showed up the same way. Big win? Same energy.
Psychological research on attachment theory shows that consistency is what creates secure relationships. It’s why inconsistent parenting messes kids up and why unpredictable bosses create anxious teams.
4) Thoughtful
Thoughtful is code for “you pay attention to what matters to other people.”
It’s not about grand gestures. The thoughtful people I know send articles that remind them of something you said.
They remember you hate cilantro and pick the restaurant accordingly. They notice when you’re quieter than usual.
Social psychology research shows that thoughtfulness signals high emotional intelligence. It means you’re not so wrapped up in your own experience that you miss what’s happening for others.
Having a young kid has made me hyperaware of this. The people who get described as thoughtful are the ones who text “no need to respond” when they check in during chaos.
5) Present
This word has become gold in our distracted world.
When someone says you’re present, they mean you make them feel like the only person in the room. Your phone stays face down. You’re not scanning for better options. You’re actually listening, not waiting for your turn to talk.
The neuroscience on presence is compelling. When we feel someone’s full attention, our nervous system literally calms down. It’s why present people make others feel important—because in that moment, they are.
I train regularly partly because it forces presence. You can’t half-ass a heavy lift. That practice of full focus transfers to conversations, and people notice.
6) Grounded
Grounded people don’t spiral when things get messy. They’re the ones everyone wants around during drama because they don’t add fuel to the fire.
Psychology research on emotional regulation shows that grounded people have what’s called “affect stability.” Their emotional baseline doesn’t swing wildly based on external events.
When someone describes you as grounded, they’re saying you’re their reality check. You don’t catastrophize their problems or minimize them. You help them see situations as they actually are.
7) Curious
Curious people ask questions that aren’t really about gathering information—they’re about understanding perspective.
The research on curiosity and likability is clear: Curious people make others feel interesting. They don’t interrogate; they explore. They’ll ask follow-up questions that show they’re actually processing what you said, not just being polite.
Watch how curious people handle disagreement. Instead of defending, they lean in with “help me understand your perspective.” It completely changes the dynamic.
8) Unpretentious
This is the opposite of trying too hard, and people can smell the difference from miles away.
Unpretentious people don’t name-drop. They don’t humble-brag. They don’t need you to know how important or accomplished they are within the first five minutes.
Social psychology shows that pretentiousness triggers our fairness detectors. We’re wired to spot when someone’s claiming more status than they’ve earned, and it immediately reduces trust.
The unpretentious people in my life share their wins matter-of-factly and their losses with the same energy. No false modesty, no performance. Just truth.
9) Reliable
Reliable is unsexy but powerful. It means you do what you say you’ll do, when you said you’d do it.
The psychology of reliability ties into our fundamental need for predictability. When someone’s reliable, our brain doesn’t have to waste energy wondering if they’ll follow through. We can relax into the relationship.
From my brand work days, I learned that reliability beats brilliance almost every time. The reliable people got promoted. They got the referrals. They built the lasting relationships.
10) Easy
When people say you’re easy to be around, they mean you don’t make them work for connection.
Easy people don’t require special handling. They don’t make everything about them. They laugh easily, admit mistakes easily, move through conflict easily.
Research on relationship satisfaction consistently shows that “ease of interaction” predicts long-term success better than passion or even shared interests.
Final thoughts
Here’s what struck me while researching this: None of these words describe achievement. They’re not about being impressive or successful or even particularly interesting.
They’re about how you make people feel in your presence.
The pattern is clear—genuinely likable people create psychological safety. They make others feel seen, valued, and comfortable being themselves. They’re not performing likability; they’re creating conditions where connection happens naturally.
If people use these words to describe you, you’re doing something right. You’ve figured out that real influence doesn’t come from being the smartest or most charismatic person in the room.
It comes from being someone others genuinely want around.
