Ever watch someone tear up during a meeting and think they’re weak? Or notice a colleague who takes forever to answer questions and assume they’re slow?
I spent decades in high-stakes negotiations where quick thinking and stone-cold composure were supposedly the marks of intelligence.
But after years of watching who actually solved the complex problems versus who just looked smart doing it, I’ve learned something counterintuitive: many behaviors we dismiss as signs of low intelligence actually indicate the opposite.
Psychology research backs up what I observed in those conference rooms. The people we write off as “too emotional” or “too slow” often possess cognitive abilities that run deeper than surface-level quick wit. After retiring and diving into psychology books, I’ve identified seven behaviors that most people misread completely.
1. They cry or show strong emotions in professional settings
I once watched a senior executive tear up while discussing layoffs. The room got uncomfortable. People exchanged glances. Later, I heard whispers about whether she was “tough enough” for the role.
Here’s what those whispers missed: Leo Newhouse, LICSW, points out that “crying releases oxytocin and endogenous opioids, also known as endorphins. These feel-good chemicals help ease both physical and emotional pain.”
That executive wasn’t weak. She was processing complex emotional information in real-time, demonstrating the kind of emotional intelligence that actually correlates with better decision-making.
The people who never show emotion aren’t necessarily stronger or smarter. They might simply be less capable of processing the full spectrum of human experience. Those who can feel deeply, express it, and still function? That takes remarkable cognitive sophistication.
2. They take forever to answer questions
In my old notebooks filled with meeting notes, I have pages of arrows and question marks next to certain names.
These were the people who’d pause, sometimes uncomfortably long, before responding to even simple questions. Others would jump in to fill the silence, assuming these slow responders didn’t know the answer.
Egyptian writer Naguib Mahfouz captured it perfectly: “You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.” Those long pauses showed careful consideration rather than confusion.
I developed this habit myself over the years. Pausing before responding, even casually, like I’m weighing terms. It’s not about being slow. It’s about recognizing that most questions have layers, and the first answer that comes to mind is rarely the best one.
Quick answers impress in the moment. Thoughtful ones solve problems.
3. They prefer working alone and avoid group activities
The corporate world loves team players. We assume the person eating lunch alone or skipping happy hour lacks social intelligence.
But some of the sharpest minds I’ve known were the ones who protected their solitude fiercely.
Albert Einstein understood this, emphasizing solitude’s role in creativity and problem-solving. He said, “The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind.”
While everyone else was networking and brainstorming in groups, these solitary workers were doing the deep thinking that actually moved projects forward.
4. They fail repeatedly at the same types of tasks
I knew someone who failed three different startups before finally succeeding. Each failure looked similar from the outside. People started writing him off as someone who “just didn’t get it.”
What they missed was that each failure was actually a sophisticated experiment.
As Dr. Gary Klein notes, “Failure doesn’t automatically make us smarter”—we need to reflect on it and learn from it to become better.
This person wasn’t randomly failing. He was systematically testing hypotheses, adjusting variables, learning deeply from each iteration. His fourth venture succeeded precisely because of, not despite, those failures.
5. They seem overly concerned with others’ feelings
In negotiation rooms, I noticed who sits where, who speaks first, and who never interrupts the boss.
But I also noticed something else: the people who seemed “too soft,” always checking how others felt, often ended up with the best outcomes.
Research confirms what I observed. As Olga Valadon at Harvard Business Review puts it: “Empathy allows leaders to build meaningful connections and develop deep trust with every member of their team. It helps leaders navigate interpersonal relationships with compassion, regardless of shared experience.”
The person constantly reading the room’s emotional temperature isn’t weak. They’re gathering crucial data that others miss entirely. They understand that human behavior drives business outcomes more than spreadsheets ever will.
6. They can’t juggle multiple tasks
Watch someone struggle to handle multiple tasks at once, and it’s easy to assume they’re not very bright.
But here’s what most people don’t know: multitasking doesn’t increase productivity. Some experts believe it can reduce productivity by as much as 40%.
The person who insists on doing one thing at a time isn’t slow. They understand something fundamental about how the brain works.
Deep focus on a single task produces better results than scattered attention across many. What looks like inability might actually be discipline.
7. They constantly doubt themselves
Waiting, doubting, questioning yourself—these look like weakness to most observers. We admire confidence, even when it’s unfounded.
Yet research shows something fascinating: self-doubt is common among intelligent people. In fact, according to Ness Labs, “The smarter they are, the more acutely they seem to question their own competence.”
The person who openly questions their own ideas, who admits uncertainty, who changes their mind when presented with new evidence—this isn’t weakness. It’s intellectual honesty. And intellectual honesty correlates strongly with actual problem-solving ability.
Closing thoughts
After decades of watching power dynamics play out in conference rooms, I’ve learned that intelligence rarely looks like what we expect.
The quickest talker isn’t always the deepest thinker. The most confident person often knows the least. The one who cries might see something others can’t.
Next time you’re tempted to write someone off based on these behaviors, pause. Look deeper. You might be dismissing the very person who could solve your most complex problems.
And if you recognize yourself in these descriptions? Stop apologizing for how your intelligence manifests. The world needs thinkers who process differently, who feel deeply, who question everything—especially themselves.
