After thirty years of sitting across from people in negotiations where millions were at stake, I developed an almost uncomfortable ability to spot when someone’s word meant nothing.
I remember one deal in particular.
The CEO across the table was all handshakes and promises, looking everyone in the eye, using all the right phrases about partnership and mutual benefit.
Most people in the room were buying it, but I noticed his general counsel kept touching her pen whenever he made a commitment.
A tiny tell, but it screamed that she knew those promises had no backing.
Six weeks later, they reneged on every major point.
No surprise to me, but my younger colleagues were stunned.
They’d missed what was right there in plain sight.
Here’s what I’ve learned: Integrity leaves fingerprints everywhere, but most people are too distracted by words to notice the evidence.
After decades of reading rooms where everyone insisted it was “just business” while power games drove everything, I’ve identified ten things that instantly reveal someone’s true character.
These are patterns that become obvious once you know where to look:
1) They notice who interrupts and who gets interrupted
Watch any group conversation for five minutes.
The person who consistently cuts others off, especially those they perceive as lower status, is telling you everything about their integrity.
Here’s the subtle part, though: Also watch who allows themselves to be interrupted without pushing back.
Sometimes that’s wisdom, but often it’s someone who’s learned that speaking truth to this person is pointless.
In negotiations, I learned to track interruption patterns like a scorecard.
The executive who let the junior analyst finish their point? That person could be trusted to honor agreements.
The one who talked over everyone except the boss? Their word was worth nothing the moment power shifted.
2) They watch how someone treats people who can’t help them
This is the oldest tell in the book, yet people still miss it.
I’m talking about the colleague who’s leaving the company, the person from the department being downsized, the contractor who won’t be renewed.
Someone with integrity treats these people the same as when they had something to offer.
However, someone without it? They don’t even make eye contact anymore.
I’ve watched executives who were charming to me turn cold to former allies the moment their usefulness expired.
That coldness tells you exactly what your relationship is worth.
3) They spot the gap between public positions and private actions
People with integrity don’t have a translation problem between what they say in meetings and what they do afterward.
But most people do, and perceptive observers see it immediately.
I worked with a VP who was vocally supportive of every initiative in public meetings.
“Absolutely, we need to move on this immediately,” he’d say.
Then nothing would happen, ever.
His team learned to ignore his public enthusiasm entirely.
The tell? He never asked implementation questions.
People who intend to follow through ask about logistics, timing, resources.
Those who don’t just perform agreement.
4) They recognize who takes credit versus who gives it
In every successful project, there’s a moment when credit gets distributed.
Watch carefully.
The person rushing to claim ownership while minimizing others’ contributions? Their integrity is performative at best.
Here’s what’s less obvious: Also watch who deflects credit entirely.
Sometimes that’s genuine humility, while it’s also someone who knows the project is about to fail and wants distance.
Real integrity looks like accurate attribution, acknowledging both your contribution and others’ without theft or false modesty.
5) They clock response time changes
When someone’s response time to you dramatically changes without explanation, that’s data about their integrity.
I’m talking about the pattern where they respond instantly when they need something and take days when you need something.
During my negotiating years, I tracked response times like a vital sign.
The person who maintained consistent communication regardless of the power dynamic? Trustworthy.
The one whose response time correlated exactly with what they wanted from you? Every agreement with them needed to be bulletproof.
6) They observe who remembers and who conveniently forgets
Some people have selective memory that always benefits them.
They forget commitments they made but remember perfectly what you owe them, and can’t recall agreeing to that deadline but have total recall of your minor mistake from three months ago.
This is about patterns.
People with integrity own their commitments even when they’ve forgotten details.
They say things like “I don’t remember that specifically, but if I said it, I’ll honor it.”
People without integrity use forgetfulness as an escape hatch.
7) They note who speaks differently to different audiences
Everyone adjusts their communication style somewhat based on audience, but people with integrity don’t change their core message.
Watch someone present to leadership, then to peers, then to subordinates.
If the fundamental message shifts based on who has power, you’re looking at someone whose word means nothing.
I once watched an executive sell completely opposing strategies to different departments, telling each what they wanted to hear.
When the contradiction surfaced later, he claimed misunderstanding but there was no misunderstanding.
There was calculated deception based on reading the room’s power dynamics.
8) They catch who asks for transparency but won’t provide it
People without integrity love one-way transparency.
They want full visibility into your work, your thinking, your plans.
Yet, ask them the same questions, and suddenly it’s “need to know” or “still being discussed at higher levels.”
Real integrity means reciprocal transparency within appropriate bounds.
If someone demands openness they won’t provide, they’re telling you they see the relationship as fundamentally unequal.
They’re also telling you they’ll use information asymmetry against you the moment it benefits them.
9) They identify who keeps informal promises
Not every commitment gets documented.
The casual “I’ll introduce you to someone who can help” or “I’ll review your proposal by Friday” reveals more about integrity than formal contracts.
Why? Because keeping informal promises requires internal motivation.
There’s no enforcement mechanism, no paper trail, and no legal recourse.
People who honor these commitments do so because their word matters to them personally.
Those who don’t reveal that their integrity requires external enforcement.
10) They sense who changes history
People without integrity revise history constantly; the project that failed was never their idea, or the successful strategy was always their brainchild.
They supported the winning approach from the beginning, opposed the losing one all along.
I learned to take notes not just on decisions but on who supported what and when.
The number of people who claimed prescience after the fact was astounding, but people with integrity own their actual positions, including the wrong ones.
They say “I was wrong about that” rather than “I never said that.”
Closing thoughts
These tells are about protecting yourself and choosing who deserves your trust.
In a world where everyone claims integrity, these patterns reveal the truth.
The practical rule? Start with one observation.
Pick the pattern that resonates most and watch for it over the next week.
Don’t announce what you’re doing, and just observe.
You’ll be amazed how quickly the rhetoric falls away and character becomes clear.
Remember: People with genuine integrity don’t mind being observed closely.
They live the same life whether anyone’s watching or not.
It’s those who perform integrity who get nervous when someone’s really paying attention.
