After decades in negotiation rooms, I’ve developed an uncomfortable skill: knowing when someone’s lying before they finish their sentence.
Not because I’m particularly clever, but because liars use the same phrases over and over. They’re like verbal tells in poker. Once you know what to listen for, you can’t unhear them.
I learned this the hard way. Early in my career, I believed what people told me at face value. Cost me deals, damaged relationships, and taught me that words are often used to hide truth rather than reveal it.
The powerful executives I worked with were masters at this game. They’d look you straight in the eye and deliver lies wrapped in sincerity.
What fascinates me now, years into retirement, is how these same phrases show up everywhere. At the grocery store, in family conversations, during casual coffee meetings. The context changes, but the language of deception remains remarkably consistent.
After keeping notes for years on what people say versus what they actually do, I’ve identified ten phrases that almost always signal deception. These aren’t guaranteed proof of lying, but when you hear them, your guard should go up.
1) “To be honest with you…”
When someone prefaces a statement with this phrase, they’re usually about to be anything but honest. Think about it: why announce your honesty unless you’re trying to convince someone of something untrue?
I once had a colleague who used this constantly. “To be honest with you, I think your proposal is excellent.” Two days later, I’d discover he was actively undermining it behind closed doors. People who are actually being honest don’t feel the need to advertise it. Honesty stands on its own.
2) “Trust me”
Similar to announcing honesty, demanding trust is often a red flag. During my negotiating days, whenever someone said “trust me” without providing concrete details or evidence, I knew to dig deeper.
Real trust is earned through consistent action, not verbal demands. When someone has to tell you to trust them, they’re usually trying to bypass your natural skepticism. The most trustworthy people I’ve known never asked for trust.
They simply demonstrated reliability and let their track record speak.
3) “I would never lie to you”
This defensive statement usually comes unprompted, which makes it particularly suspicious. If you haven’t accused someone of lying, why are they bringing it up?
I remember a business partner who said this regularly. Turned out he was skimming from our joint ventures. People who aren’t lying don’t think about lying enough to spontaneously deny it. This phrase is often a preemptive strike against suspicion.
4) “That’s basically what happened”
The word “basically” is doing heavy lifting here. It’s a minimizer that allows the speaker to leave out crucial details while technically not lying outright.
In negotiation rooms, I learned to probe whenever someone summarized with “basically.” What they’re omitting is usually more important than what they’re saying. The devil lives in the details they’re glossing over.
5) “I don’t remember saying that”
Selective memory is a liar’s best friend. Unless we’re talking about something from years ago, most people remember what they’ve said, especially if it was important enough for you to bring up.
This phrase allows someone to avoid accountability without directly denying their words. They’re creating plausible deniability.
In my notebook, I started tracking how often people “forgot” commitments that became inconvenient. The pattern was clear: convenient amnesia is rarely genuine.
6) “Why would I lie about that?”
Answering a question with a question is classic deflection. Instead of providing evidence or addressing your concern, they’re putting you on the defensive.
I’ve heard this countless times when someone absolutely had reason to lie. They’re hoping you won’t have an answer ready and will back down.
But there’s always a reason someone might lie: avoiding consequences, gaining advantage, saving face, protecting someone else. The question itself is meant to shut down inquiry.
7) “I swear on my mother’s grave”
Or any variation involving sworn oaths, children’s lives, or religious invocations. When someone needs to invoke higher powers or loved ones to convince you, they’re compensating for lack of credibility.
Truth doesn’t need theatrical emphasis. I’ve noticed that the more dramatic the oath, the bigger the lie tends to be. People telling the truth simply state facts.
They don’t need to bring their deceased relatives into it.
8) “You’re remembering it wrong”
Gaslighting at its finest. This phrase attempts to make you doubt your own memory and perception. It’s particularly insidious because it attacks your confidence rather than addressing the issue.
In business settings, I encountered this constantly when people wanted to renege on verbal agreements. They’d try to convince me that my clear recollection was somehow faulty. Started keeping detailed notes after every meeting just to combat this tactic.
9) “I was going to tell you”
No, they weren’t. This phrase only comes out after you’ve discovered something on your own. It’s damage control disguised as good intention.
If someone genuinely planned to tell you something, they would have done it already. This phrase is an attempt to seem transparent after being caught. The timing reveals everything: real disclosure happens voluntarily, not after discovery.
10) “It’s not what it looks like”
Actually, it usually is exactly what it looks like. Our instincts and observations are generally accurate. This phrase asks you to ignore evidence in favor of an alternate explanation that’s about to be constructed on the spot.
Throughout my career, whenever someone said this, my first instinct about the situation proved correct. People use this phrase when they’re caught and need time to formulate a plausible story.
The truth doesn’t require us to ignore what we can plainly see.
Closing thoughts
Recognizing these phrases isn’t about becoming paranoid or losing faith in people. It’s about protecting yourself from manipulation and making better decisions based on reality rather than false narratives.
The harsh truth I learned through decades of negotiation is that lying is often easier than honesty. People lie to avoid discomfort, maintain image, or gain advantage. These phrases are their tools, refined through generations of human interaction.
But here’s the practical takeaway: when you hear these phrases, pause. Don’t confront immediately. Instead, ask for specifics. Request documentation. Watch what they do next, not what they say. Actions remain the only reliable truth detector we have.
Most importantly, recognize that knowing these phrases also means avoiding them yourself. Even when you’re being truthful, using these phrases undermines your credibility. Clean, direct communication without these qualifiers builds trust far better than any sworn oath ever could.
The real power isn’t in catching liars. It’s in creating relationships where these phrases become unnecessary, where truth is the easier path for everyone involved.
