After forty years in negotiation rooms, I developed a sixth sense for spotting trouble. Not the obvious kind where someone pounds the table or makes threats. The dangerous ones smiled, shook hands firmly, and said all the right things. They’d look you in the eye while setting up moves that would destroy careers, wreck partnerships, or leave someone holding the bag for their failures.
I remember one executive who could charm anyone in the first meeting. Perfect manners, remembered everyone’s names, asked about their families. Six months later, half his team had quit, two were in therapy, and the project had collapsed. Everyone who warned about him was dismissed as jealous or difficult. The pattern repeated everywhere he went.
The truth is that genuinely bad people rarely announce themselves. They’ve learned to say what others want to hear. They’ve mastered the appearance of decency while their behaviors tell a completely different story. After decades of watching these patterns play out, I’ve identified eight behaviors that reveal someone’s true character, regardless of their words or public image.
1. They take credit but dodge responsibility
Watch what happens when something goes well versus when it goes badly. People who aren’t fundamentally good have a predictable pattern: successes are theirs alone, failures belong to everyone else.
In one negotiation, a team leader presented “his” breakthrough solution that saved the deal. Three people had worked nights developing it while he was at his golf club. When implementation hit problems two months later, suddenly it became “the team’s approach” that hadn’t been properly executed. He even suggested the original developers hadn’t fully briefed him on the risks.
This isn’t just ego or poor leadership. It reveals something deeper: a willingness to let others suffer for their benefit. They’ll stand on someone else’s work to look taller and push that same person under the bus to stay clean. When someone consistently claims victories and assigns defeats, you’re not dealing with confidence. You’re dealing with someone who sees others as tools.
2. They’re different with different power levels
Nothing reveals character faster than watching how someone treats people at different levels of power. I’ve sat in countless meetings where someone was deferential to the CEO, collegial with peers, and dismissive of assistants. That’s not adapting your communication style. That’s showing who you really are.
During my career, I made it a point to arrive early and chat with receptionists, security guards, and junior staff. The stories they’d share about certain executives were revealing. The same person who laughed at the chairman’s jokes would berate a secretary for a coffee order. The person who insisted on “collaborative leadership” in boardrooms would humiliate subordinates in private.
When someone’s kindness depends on what you can do for them, it’s not kindness at all. It’s manipulation wearing a nice suit.
3. They remember slights but forget favors
Some people have photographic memories for every perceived wrong done to them but complete amnesia about help they’ve received. They’ll bring up that time you were five minutes late to their presentation two years ago but forget you covered for them during their divorce.
I knew someone who kept mental spreadsheets of grievances. Someone disagreed with him in a meeting? Logged. Someone got a promotion he wanted? Recorded. But when people stayed late to help him meet deadlines, introduced him to valuable contacts, or supported his proposals? Somehow that never made it into his memory bank.
This selective memory isn’t forgetfulness. It’s a worldview where they’re perpetual victims deserving more, while others’ contributions are just what’s owed. They’re building a case for why they’re justified in whatever they do next.
4. They test boundaries constantly
Bad people don’t usually start with major violations. They probe first. They make small inappropriate comments to see who objects. They bend small rules to see who notices. They make minor threats wrapped in jokes to gauge reactions.
In negotiations, I watched certain people push deadlines by a day, then two, then a week. Each time watching who would complain and who would accommodate. They’d share “confidential” information that wasn’t quite confidential to see who could be trusted to stay quiet about real breaches later. They’d make subtle threats about walking away to see who would panic.
This isn’t negotiation tactics. It’s predatory behavior. They’re mapping the landscape, identifying who’s weak, who’s isolated, who won’t fight back. When someone constantly tests what they can get away with, they’re planning what to do when they find out.
5. They weaponize your virtues against you
Your strengths become their tools. Are you loyal? They’ll demand loyalty while offering none. Are you empathetic? They’ll manufacture crises for your sympathy. Are you responsible? They’ll dump their obligations on you.
I watched a manager systematically exploit his team’s best qualities. The conscientious employee got all the detail work because “you’re so thorough.” The peacemaker got pushed into every difficult conversation because “you’re so good with people.” The reliable one got weekend emergencies because “I know I can count on you.”
When someone uses your good qualities as reasons you should accept poor treatment, they’re showing you exactly who they are. They see virtue as weakness to exploit, not strength to respect.
6. They have different versions of reality
Not just different perspectives or interpretations. Different facts depending on the audience. The story they tell the board differs from what they tell the team, which differs from what they tell clients. Not strategic communication. Alternative realities.
In one company, an executive told investors the delay was due to “technical challenges,” told the board it was “vendor issues,” and told the team it was “unclear requirements from above.” The truth? He’d made promises without checking feasibility and hoped someone else would solve it.
People who craft different realities for different audiences aren’t just lying. They’re showing they believe reality is whatever serves them at the moment. Truth becomes completely transactional.
7. They’re never wrong, just misunderstood
When confronted with clear evidence of wrongdoing, they don’t apologize or correct course. They explain why you’ve misinterpreted the situation. The email didn’t mean what it clearly says. The witnessed behavior didn’t happen that way. The documented decision was taken out of context.
I sat through a meeting where someone was confronted with their own written memo contradicting their current position. Their response? The memo was “aspirational” and everyone had “misunderstood the intended flexibility.” When three people confirmed they heard him commit to specific deadlines, suddenly it became about their “listening skills” and “tendency to hear what they wanted.”
This isn’t defensiveness. It’s a fundamental unwillingness to exist in shared reality with consequences. They’ll revise history in real-time rather than admit fault.
8. They isolate their targets
Watch who they have problems with. It’s usually one person at a time, and they work hard to ensure that person seems like the problem to everyone else. They’ll express “concern” about someone’s performance to others. They’ll share “confidential” worries about someone’s stability. They’ll reluctantly admit someone is “difficult to work with.”
By the time the conflict becomes visible, they’ve already shaped the narrative. The target looks emotional, difficult, or unreasonable because everyone’s been primed to see them that way. When the person finally breaks or leaves, everyone nods about how “challenging” they were.
I’ve seen this pattern destroy good people who never understood what hit them. They thought they were in a workplace disagreement. They were actually targeted for systematic destruction.
Closing thoughts
After decades of watching these patterns, here’s what I know: when someone shows you these behaviors, believe them the first time. Don’t wait for more evidence. Don’t assume they’ll change with the right circumstances. Don’t think you’re the exception they’ll treat differently.
The most dangerous people I’ve encountered weren’t obviously malicious. They were the ones everyone made excuses for, who got the benefit of the doubt, who were too valuable or connected to challenge. They succeeded precisely because good people couldn’t quite believe someone would operate that way.
Your instincts about these behaviors are usually right. The discomfort you feel around certain people, even when you can’t articulate why, is your experience recognizing patterns your conscious mind wants to rationalize away. Trust that discomfort. It’s trying to protect you from someone who’s shown you exactly who they are.
