Embrace your Doubters

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Embrace your Doubters

by frankbradley on April 18th, 2010
24 Comments

You all know the saying “keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer”. This post is framed around that saying, all be it “Enemies” is probably a bit too strong a word.

Earlier this week I was reading the following blog post “The Trouble With Internet Conversation”, in which the writer questions the value in having comments in your blog posts that are always agreeing with your viewpoint. Essentially, too many “great post”, and “I agree” remarks in the comments of many blogs.

This got me thinking about my own experience in trying to convince people about the value of Social Media. It can be hard enough to elicit feedback at the best of times; however it can be quite disheartening if the feedback you receive is always negative.

I would however urge you to embrace your doubters, as they are the most valuable people in your community. I’ve had recent experience of this, and it is only now that I started to see the fruits of the ‘relationship’.

For the past few months, every time I wrote a blog post, the same individual kept turning up, always with an opposing viewpoint ready to challenge my message. Initially I was very frustrated by this, to the point where I was beginning to doubt what I was saying.

However it is now a few months down the line, and I have been able to look back and analyse what really happened. What I learned was that the comments and feedback from this individual actually spurred me on, and made me work doubly hard to prove my point. I was forced to put more thought into my arguments, and to make sure that my references were better researched. Imagine my surprise, recently when I started to see a change in the opinion of my critic. What a fantastic feeling!!!

So the next time you are faced with criticism, don’t be afraid to step up your efforts, and work that little bit harder, to prove your critics wrong.

What are your approaches to dealing with critics?

Category: Blogging, communities, Internal communications, social media

Tags: Blogging, criticism, critics, cynics, social media

The Author: frankbradley

I live in Kilkenny, Ireland, and I'm married with one daughter. I was born in Derry, and came to Kilkenny via Manchester, England, and Dublin. My passion is all things Social Media, and for the last 2 years I have been working as a Social Media Evangelist for Oracle, where I have worked for the last 8 years. This role entails, promoting the use of Social Media internally for improved communication and collaboration. My other interests include sports, especially football (soccer), reading, video games, movies/tv, music and walking. http://frankbradley.tumblr.com/

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http://www.takeoffireland.com Nadja

Hello Frank,

just found your blog on LinkedIn and read this post and was really surprised! I could have been the challenging reader! Although I can hardly take critique myself, because it proofs I did not think enough about my statements, I am used to challenge others around me. People are not necessarily wrong, but I just like to probe whether their opinion is based on something substantial. I learned that from my younger brother who used to express an opposing view ANYTIME I was talking to him. Personally, I believe this is a good way to think about yourself and the things you say. Use it as a chance.
http://twitter.com/srLeoSalazar Leo Salazar

Well said, Frank. I especially like how you didn’t prejudge that one person who was continually critical. The danger of one person, be it a follower or a little brother, as Nadja says, always being critical is that we tend to dismiss them as habitually contrarian. We automatically discount their opinion because, “That’s just how they are.” The real challenge is to keep our minds open for an alternate viewpoint, regardless of the source.
http://www.seefincoaching.com/blog Elaine Rogers

great post Frank – I totally agree!!!
But on a more serious note, there are two aspects to blogging and commenting I find provoke people – incorrect information and arrogance.
Most blog posts are based on the author’s opinion, unless they reference someone or an article or such. Very often an opinion is perceived as incorrect fact and criticised.

When people are commenting, they should indeed challenge, as Nadja suggests, but leave the EGO outside the comment section.
I love a good discussion in the comments of a blog, however, too often they become battle of the commenters, and the original post is forgotten about.
Just some observations..thanks for sharing your insights and stark reminder to believe in oneself
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Anonymous

Frank,

What a challenging proposition! On the whole, I’d say I agree with you but I got to wondering about people who are contrary because of some internal issue. Do we give some people more influence than is warranted?
Anonymous

I can’t stand criticism and often feel it’s rooted in people’s need to take the high moral ground. But I know I need to get over thsi if I want to improve. As long as the criticism is well-worded, straight and shows that a person has thought about what you’ve written, it’s worth bearing in mind.
http://www.stress-solutions4life.com/ Catherine Connors

Very good post Frank, of course all points of view, from positive to negative are essentially snippets of information which we can use to personally evolve. The difference is how we look at it.
Anonymous

Hi Nadja,

Don’t worry, you weren’t the inspiration for this post. It was a combination of people. Certainly there are some people who always want to be different just to be stubborn. I guess the key is to filter out those who are being constructive.
Anonymous

Thanks for the comment Leo. As I said to Nadja, I think it’s important to filter out the people who are continuously contrary, and so that you can focus on those providing constructive feedback. Key to this is not to be too easily dismissive.
Anonymous

Thanks for the comment Elaine. You touch on a good point about references, which is something I don’t see in a lot of blogs.
Anonymous

I’d say give people a chance. Don’t jump to make a quick opinion on whether they are contrary or not.
Anonymous

yes – criticism has to be constructive of course. The difficulty is being able to be impartial enough to view it as constructive.
Anonymous

I agree. it’s all in the eye of the beholder.
Anonymous

Frank,

I know what you’re saying and I did keep my comment short. Before I decide if someone is being contrary for whatever reason, I try to spend time seeing if there is some kind of relationship developing. Sometimes you can discover that a person is socially awkward so things just come out wrong but still have value. Other times you never know what his/her agenda truly is. I recognize the value of patience and I would couple this with considering the source.
http://www.garrendennylane.ie/blog Lorna

I have to admit I’m our accountant’s worst nightmare – have been attempting the ‘putting everything in a file/litle and often’ approach and it has been working to a point. I think we might be going back to the ‘everything in a big box and hand it to the bookkeeper’

Good post, I found what you said about the spreadsheets interesting as that is what our current accountant has us putting the data on.
http://twitter.com/xcelbusiness Helen Cousins

It’s a pain for business owners to have to keep rooting for stuff & you end up paying for it by being labelled “messy” by the acountant. Hours of futility are charged to your account & your accounts are priced accordingly. Accountants could help themselves & their clients by giving checklists to all clients though. For the record, I hate doing the books for my own business! Thanks Niall
~ Helen
http://twitter.com/xcelbusiness Helen Cousins

Outsourcing to (or even employing) a good bookkeeper can be very cost effective. They will devote time to tracking down missing invoices, making sure you claim all your VAT back, ensure you are tax compliant, get the money in and out efficiently - no more lost weekends! This frees business owners up to work on the business – what they are best at!
I expect people, (even accountants), to challenge me on the spreadsheet point. Spreadsheets are commonly used, can cause serious errors, and are not giving valuable info to the client in most cases.
I did a lot of work with the small business unit of a big 4 accountancy firm and client spreadsheets were a nightmare. For instance – a chap who likes everything in order inserts 2 rows to pop in one missing invoice. Without boring you with a step by step – he updated the formula to add everything up. The result? All of the invoices that came before the inserted invoice were not added into totals. He used those totals to calculate his VAT payable and made an incorrect VAT return. He seriously underpaid his VAT as a result & was incredulous that he had made a mistake, because he had used a spreadsheet. He thought he had removed the potential for error…
I won’t go on – it could be another blog post! Actually it will
Thanks Lorna.
~Helen
http://twitter.com/xcelbusiness Helen Cousins

Some good points there Elaine – a nice addition to the post. Thank you,
~ Helen
Prashant

Spreadsheets are no longer advisable. Even desktop accounting software is passe. The best solution for small businesses would be to go for an online accounting software like the one we offer at Zoho: Zoho Books. There are numerous benefits to move your accounting to web; you need not worry about backup, it is accessible anywhere and anytime; your accountant can just login to the service and review your transactions online and lot more.
http://twitter.com/xcelbusiness Helen Cousins

The voice of experience speaks volumes! Thanks for adding to the post Mary.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=622376023 Jennifer Dunn Escalona

Great tips! To avoid the “big box” approach (and the huge invoice from my accountant that goes with it) I use Outright.com in conjunction with Shoeboxed. Outright pulls all my info in from my bank accounts (full disclosure: I work with them) while Shoeboxed (which I don’t work with but love, love, love) is a real paperwork saver. They send you a big blue envelope every month that allows you to send in your receipts by mail. They then digitize your receipts and export them into your Outright account so your expenses are accounted for and anybody who needs to see your receipts can log in and see them digitally. It works wonders for eliminating the shoe box, hence the name!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Aramante-R-T-Browne/1300713143 Aramante R T Browne

Bank statements, credit card statements provide the bulk of your book keeping needs so concentrate on the non documented like cash transactions use a simple cash management software like CashDispatcher which does require extensive training to book all cash transfer, cash transactions or cash deposits. For a business with a POS software system cash transactions can be paid via most POS systems however if the transaction amount is higher than cash in drawer this is where CashDispatcher is indispensable.
Anonymous

Confidence is the key to any business relationship, double bookkeeping services because they are giving all the financial details of your business. I have a high level of confidence in both my advisors, on the basis of their reputation and my experience working with them to date.
bookkeeping service
http://twitter.com/xcelbusiness Helen Cousins

Why, thank you ~Helen

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