Social Media Is Great. What Are The Rules Again?

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Social Media Is Great. What Are The Rules Again?

by Niall Devitt on September 21st, 2010
60 Comments

I’ve been keeping an eye on an interesting conversation taking place on the Social Media Ireland LinkedIn group (which I manage).

Fellow Bloggertoner Derbhile Dromey posted this question:

A pretty reasonable point of view from Derbhile, don’t you think? If you want to connect with someone on LinkedIn, send a a little personal note outlining why they should connect with you.

As to why someone would indicate that they are a friend when they are not? well I’m not sure but it seems pretty silly to say the least.

The following are some of the comments from the resulting dialogue, please join the LinkedIn group above to read the full conversation.

# Have Respect

Stuart raises an interesting point around using LinkedIn properly and having respect for other members.

Asking a LinkedIn connection to mass mail their contacts doesn’t sound that respectful to me and it’s hardly surprising that Stuart chooses to respond by cutting off ties.

# Be Courteous

Right back at ya Carmel!

Shouldn’t we be as courteous when connecting with someone online as we are when seeking to connect with someone offline? By the way, what’s the difference again?

# Want a Relationship

Claire is right! 20 solid real world relationships with 20 good people far outweighs 200 weak virtual connections.

A critism leveled at social media is that it results in far too many weak connections and not enough meaningful relationships.

# Make A Connection

Now you’re talkin Tim!

In the right hands and used in the right way, Social Media makes it easier for people to connect and therefore makes it easier for people to connect, to form relationships and to do business.

# With a Real Person

Who’s that good looking chap?

OK, so he has a tendency to go on sometimes but I think his last point is on the money.

Perhaps if we reminded ourselves that it is a person we are attempting to connect with and that real world rules apply, then much of the silliness, annoyance and dare I say it stupidity that takes place online might not happen?

# Who happens to be an Individual, just like you!

Amanda reminds us all that there isn’t an absolutely right way to do it.

We are all different with different expectations, different boundaries and different comfort zones. It takes time, it takes effort, it takes respect, it takes listening and it takes trust before we can connect with another human being.

For me at least this is what it has always taken and what it remains to be truly social?

Category: Networking, social media

Tags: common sense, connecting with people online, LinkedIn, listening online, managing your online contacts, meaningful relationships, Networking, online conversations, real world relationships, social media, Social Media Ireland, social media rules, using LinkedIn properly, virtual connections

The Author: Niall Devitt

Niall Devitt is a doer, not a talker when it comes to social media. Niall advises organisations how to plan, design and implement social media strategies that generate real business returns. Niall is Chief Digital Strategist & Founder at the Ahain Group, an independent, ideas-led social business consultancy with experience of working with all types of clients and sectors– from large blue-chip multinationals to the 1 SMEs. Download our industry specific and researched social business reports. In 2009, Niall co-founded TweakYourBiz.com (formally Bloggertone.com) an international, business community and online publication. http://www.ahaingroup.com/

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Anonymous

Great post Greg. I had experience of this during the dotcom bubble burst in 2001. I was let go, and by keeping my head down and not burning my bridges, I was asked to to come back in a month later to do a few weeks contract work at a great rate.

Also a colleague that I worked with was let go a few months. He kept his head down, and left with dignity. This week I heard he was back in the company working as a contractor. This wouldn’t have happened if he’d burned his bridges.

When I started my first job in Ireland, my boss advised me never to burn bridges in this country, as it is too small.
Anonymous

Thanks for your comments Frank! Great upbeat story about your colleague!
http://www.ivanwalsh.com Ivan Walsh

All good points there. One I’d add it that if you do decline an invite, consider connecting with the person at a later date.

Ask if they share a LI group with you and see what they contribute.

Most folks mean well but may not be so tactful with introductions. I try to give ppl the benefit of the doubt and leave the door open so we can re-connect at a later date.
Anonymous

I begin to wonder if it matters. I get people linking with me all the time on LinkedIn and more so on Plaxo….and then I never hear from them again. I think people still have this nutty idea that you have to have loads of social media contacts, before they’ve decided on a strategy. Duh!?
http://twitter.com/ClaireBoyles Claire Boyles

I’m quite happy to share my opinion within the LinkedIn group, as you can see from my above comments. But here’s the interesting thing. I didn’t give my permission to have it reproduced here.

This raises another entirely different question for me. Who owns online content that I create?
http://www.btbtraining.com/blog Niall Devitt

Hi Claire,

I included your opinion because it added value to the conversation but I do understand your point.
If you like, we will happily remove, please just let us know.

Thanks,
Niall
http://www.btbtraining.com/blog Niall Devitt

Great point Lewis! the real value for me is turning the virtual into the real thing & social media makes this easier to do
http://www.btbtraining.com/blog Niall Devitt

I think this is particularly the case with new users who are often unfamiliar with the technology.As you say, they mean well but perhaps they are just not sure how it works yet. Patience is a virtue!
http://twitter.com/ClaireBoyles Claire Boyles

It’s not about having it removed, it’s about having the manners to ask before reproducing some one else’s content.

It didn’t feel pleasant to see this being posted, without my knowledge of it
http://www.btbtraining.com/blog Niall Devitt

No offence intended! For future reference, I will ensure to request permission from you directly.
http://www.ivanwalsh.com Ivan Walsh

That’s right. And also people who are not native English speakers may be reluctant to write too much in case it exposes their poor grammar/writing skills.

What may come across as curt may be someone’s else attempt to look professional and to the point.
http://www.cgonlinemarketing.com/ Christina Giliberti

Hello all – some controversial comments made here.
Social media has many positives and negatives associated with it. Most of which fall into both categories like: – transparent, instant and direct.
As with every tool, we need to find a way of making it work for us. To do this, we can consider why we are using it and what we hope to achieve. In our minds we set a virtual sequence of events.
For example a recruitment consultant may use LinkedIn to source potential applicants for a current role they have. This ‘connection’ is clear, it has a purpose and can provide value for both parties.
An individual or company that pursues a connection only to spam them achieves nothing but negative responses, a bad reputation and has wasted their time.
As Claire has also pointed out – there is an ethical question to social media. In fact, this ethical battle has followed the internet for many years if we think of illegal downloads. The question of ownership is still uncertain, although out of politeness the original writer should be given reference to. Permission must be sought for personal images and videos, but there are no actual barriers.

In direct reference to the post – I will connect with someone I haven’t met previously if I feel the relationship or connection will provide value in some way. I may seek out contacts from groups or who have influenced or challenged by via another channel. The emphasis here is on learning from others.
Going to go now before I take up the whole page!
Tina
http://www.cgonlinemarketing.com/ Christina Giliberti

Hi Ivan – you pick up here on misperceptions online, which can be done quite naturally without physical presence. It is a definite drawback of electronic communications. Thats why many adopt a more informal manner; to add personality.
http://www.ivanwalsh.com Ivan Walsh

Hi Christina,

I’d second that, esp with US and Euro folks.

I also work in Beijing and, over there, it’s a little different in that it’s expected that your formal first.

China is VERY class sensitive so one needs to be consider that when addressing ppl over there.

eg one colleague there I still call Professor even though I’ve known him 15 years! But that’s the norm over there so it’s fine.
http://www.encouragingexcellence.ie/ Mairéad Kelly

Mmmm….interesting topic and I will readily admit I often request to link to people using the generic text and will use the “friend” connection if I don’t have something in common to use instead, that to me is part of the reason it’s there.

I’ve often gone up to complete strangers to compliment something about them that struck me, without introducing myself and will do it just as easily online too. Having said that, acting “outside the box” comes naturally to me and getting people uncomfortable with things is part of what I do to help them make the changes they want in life, doing it online is simply another medium.

We can get very caught up in protocol and etiquette and lose the idea behind it which is to build a useful network.
http://www.btbtraining.com/blog Niall Devitt

This discussion has turned out to be more interesting that I could have imagined, thanks to everyone for their input and raising some great questions As I have already said I think Claire point is valid and I agree that in future I should ask her permission when referencing her opinion. I’ve’ been thinking about this today & here are some thoughts: If the original opinion was expressed as say a blog post and I retweeted it, I wouldn’t be expected to get the authors permission, the opposite in fact being the case in that the author would welcome me doing so. As I understand it, the significant difference here is that is was expressed within the Social Media Ireland group, it was not a blog post but rather part of a discussion and Claire makes the point that it was there it should have stayed unless her permission was sought & given to reference elsewhere. Social Media Ireland is a group that is open to everyone and has over 1000 members. It is reasonable to expect that opinions expressed there will not be referenced elsewhere? I’m not saying I have the answer here but say for a moment that it was not an online group but rather an offline real world group & say that the above dialogue had happened in that real world setting rather then in the virtual world. If after hearing this conversation, I as I have above referenced it and credited Claire with the insight in another real world setting, would it be wrong? Would it be different? I’m not sure but I do know that it happens every other day. So the question for me is if you commit an opinion to a public group such as Social Media Ireland, are we saying that to reference that opinion offline doesn’t require permission but to reference it online does? See how it gets confusing? Again, I agree with Claire that the best thing to do in this instance would have been to seek out her permission but I think it raises some interesting questions.
Anonymous

Great discussion! I’ve been following this discussion too and there are limitations to LI since the choices don’t always fit. What do I call an accountant I want to connect with? We’re not colleagues and I may not have worked with this person. For lack a better choice, friend may be all there is.

We do try to present ourselves in the best light and, for a lot of us, there is that moment of anxiety when we meet new people. Did I look and sound professional enough? Will they like me? You can only do the best you can.

Written communication has built in limitations so acknowledge that. My rule of thumb is simply, what would I say to you if we met in person? Including a note as to how we met and/or something more personal makes it more inviting to connect with you. Not only is this courteous but it also invites deepening the connection to maybe a phone/skype call or in-person meeting,
Facundo

Interesting framework Richie. I wonder how one can implement an abridged version to serve clients better since not everyone would pay for such analysis nor have the capacity to do it themselves. n
http://www.connorkeppel.com Connor Keppel

Fantastic tool i.e. Dropbox.Great foru00a0traditionalu00a0marketers too, especially if working with designers and printers. u00a0No more ‘email 1 of 8′ when sending across images. u00a0
http://www.tweakyourbiz.com Niall Devitt

Great post Elaine and some really greatu00a0suggestions, can I alsou00a0recommend Dropbox, it’su00a0extremely useful as Fred says below u00a0u00a0
http://www.seefincoaching.com/blog Elaine Rogers

Hi Fred, I have just received an upgrade to my Dropbox. I also have it on my phone – best thing ever! Having files in the Cloud is a great way to cut down on multiple emails and attachments, and as Connor mentions below, editing files in one space.nnConsider this, how is Dropbox going to help you relax on your holiday, when you have gone to pains to defer all other workflow? nnWell and idea that comes to mind now is delegation – one I should have included in the post!
http://www.seefincoaching.com/blog Elaine Rogers

Thanks Niall, bear in mind Dropbox allows us to work on the move, not something I wish to do when looking for a complete break from work. But yes, a fantastic resource, even the free version
Derbhile

Timely advice. How about next time, doing a post for people who around during the summer and find that their business is quiet because everyone else is off. n
http://www.angelireland.com Paula

Thanks for the useful reminders, Elaine – a nice, simple, easy to follow post
http://www.seefincoaching.com/blog Elaine Rogers

Thanks Derbhile – will think about that one.nIn my line of work, there are traditionally busy times and quiet times, although it is all changing lately. nnHowever, it is a great time to either review our business goals, set new goals, or if it is during the summer, what better time to get the accounts off our hands?
http://www.seefincoaching.com/blog Elaine Rogers

Thank you kindly Paula
Anonymous

+1 for Dropbox. I couldn’t imagine using my iPad or smartphone without it.
Anonymous

Great post Elaine. I would recommend having filtering rules in place all the time for email not just when i’m away. A good rule is to always question each incoming email on how often you want to receive a similar type of email in the future. Then filter if appropriate.
http://www.encouragingexcellence.ie/ Mairu00e9ad Kelly

Nicely timed Elaine u00a0 I go away tomorrow for 9 days and I won’t be online for most of that time.u00a0 One of the first things I do the day after I return is clear out my email inboxes and reply to urgent emails.u00a0 I’d forgotten about changing the voicemail because both my personal and work phones will be switched off for the duration, normally I’d check them every couple of days – not this time.u00a0 nnWhat a simple yet brilliant idea to change the RSS feeds for the time away.u00a0 One other thing I need to do, arrange for a neighbour to feed the cat, or he’ll move abode.
http://blog.myprojecttracker.com Barney Austen

And all we need now is the time to take holidays nnA really comprehensive list – fair play.u00a0 I use dropbox as well – it rocks as a quick way of backing up your data. I work that trick with OOO all the time -well worth doing.nnThanks for sharing
Anonymous

regarding the Out of Office Reply, I’ve heard of a few people who say the following. u00a0″I am currently on holiday and will be back on xxxx. u00a0When I return I will be deleting my inbox. u00a0If your email includes anything really urgent, then please resend it after xxxx”.nnnI haven’t had the nerve to try that approach myself. u00a0Has anyone else tried it, or would they consider it?
http://www.seefincoaching.com/blog Elaine Rogers

Frank,nMy professional opinion is that anyone using email needs to take responsibility for that service and allowing people to contact them. Pushing it back to the sender is unprofessional in my opinion, especially if you are a business, you will find yourself OUT of business fairly sharp!nnI see nothing wrong with suggesting sending it again after a certain date, but on a personal note, I dislike ultimatums
http://www.seefincoaching.com/blog Elaine Rogers

Barney, nI think I need to do another post on WHY it is so important to take time away from work. Watch this space!nGad you utlilse the extra day to catch up also. Behold the OOO
http://www.seefincoaching.com/blog Elaine Rogers

Thank you kindly Mairu00e9ad,nI have a feeling I will not be “re-subscribing” to most of the RSS feeds I ditched nIt’s timely because I needed a check list also.nnRegarding voice-mail, if you are diligent about keeping them switched off, it is a good idea to have a message ready to inform callers of your impending return nnAs a side note, I think it is important for business owners to be very clear they are not available, and for employees to delegate, and for both to have a strategic plan in place.nnThanks for stopping by and sharing your experience
http://www.seefincoaching.com/blog Elaine Rogers

Yes Frank, I would agree.nI find many employees are fearful of filters and rules with their email programs, and the main reason tends to be that they have not been trained.nSimple rules are so effective and can really work as time savers and stress busters.nnThanks for the great tip on being more mindful of mails coming in, and possibly building a strategy to deal with repetition and volume.
Anonymous

I can see your point especially from the perspective of dealing with clients. One thing that bugs me (from the perspective of working inside a large organisation) is the fact that people continue to send me emails even though they have got my OOO message. I can sometimes return and find 10 or 20 messages from the same person.nnAs you suggest a gentle “if your message is urgent please contact me with a reminder after xxxx” is more appropriate than an ultimatum.
Anonymous

What a thorough list! It’s so easy to forget one thing (or two) as you get ready to leave for a holiday. One benefit of doing this preparation is the opportunity to clean house. I just recently had this opportunity when I took some time off and found myself asking, “do I really need that and why?” A lot of things got recycled and thrown away. And it feels so good to have a tidy office when you return!nn
Anonymous

Fred,nnHave you accessed your information from the Dropbox website?
Anonymous

Yes, absolutely Elli
http://www.seefincoaching.com/blog Elaine Rogers

Hi Elli.nSuch a pleasant experience when we realise we have just rid ourselves, our home or our office of things we have been holding on to “just in case”. nnI have culled a lot of RSS feeds, spring cleaned many folders in my email account and cleaned up my social networking platforms also – all just because I was preparing for holiday. nnThe trick is to ensure it doesn’t become time wasting or nostalgic, or else nothing will get done!! Everything in moderation as they say
http://www.encouragingexcellence.ie/ Mairu00e9ad Kelly

I will be out of communication from 1st June u0096 10th June 2011. I will replyrnto your email after my return.rn rnBest regards,rn rnMairu00e9ad KellyrnEncouraging ExcellencernRealising your Potential rn http://www.encouragingexcellence.iern(+353) 086 1702010rn rnLink to us on LinkedIn:rnrnhttp://ie.linkedin.com/in/encouragingexcellencencernJoin us on Facebook: rnhttp://www.facebook.com/encouragingexcellencernFollow us on Twitter: rnhttp://twitter.com/encouragxcellns
http://www.encouragingexcellence.ie/ Mairu00e9ad Kelly

I will be out of communication from 1st June u0096 10th June 2011. I will replyrnto your email after my return.rn rnBest regards,rn rnMairu00e9ad KellyrnEncouraging ExcellencernRealising your Potential rn http://www.encouragingexcellence.iern(+353) 086 1702010rn rnLink to us on LinkedIn:rnrnhttp://ie.linkedin.com/in/encouragingexcellencencernJoin us on Facebook: rnhttp://www.facebook.com/encouragingexcellencernFollow us on Twitter: rnhttp://twitter.com/encouragxcellns
http://www.encouragingexcellence.ie/ Mairu00e9ad Kelly

I will be out of communication from 1st June u0096 10th June 2011. I will replyrnto your email after my return.rn rnBest regards,rn rnMairu00e9ad KellyrnEncouraging ExcellencernRealising your Potential rn http://www.encouragingexcellence.iern(+353) 086 1702010rn rnLink to us on LinkedIn:rnrnhttp://ie.linkedin.com/in/encouragingexcellencencernJoin us on Facebook: rnhttp://www.facebook.com/encouragingexcellencernFollow us on Twitter: rnhttp://twitter.com/encouragxcellns
http://www.encouragingexcellence.ie/ Mairu00e9ad Kelly

I will be out of communication from 1st June u0096 10th June 2011. I will replyrnto your email after my return.rn rnBest regards,rn rnMairu00e9ad KellyrnEncouraging ExcellencernRealising your Potential rn http://www.encouragingexcellence.iern(+353) 086 1702010rn rnLink to us on LinkedIn:rnrnhttp://ie.linkedin.com/in/encouragingexcellencencernJoin us on Facebook: rnhttp://www.facebook.com/encouragingexcellencernFollow us on Twitter: rnhttp://twitter.com/encouragxcellns
CliffordPowell

Elaine i like your post so much. I feel very glad to know about the ways and information you shared about the travel holidays. The information is so insightful and impressive and i always keep the ways in my mine for my next travel trip. I will follow your blog in the future.nAirlines
http://twitter.com/rbconsulting Richie Bowden

Over 200 registered for the BI and Analytics event.
Looking forward to seeing you all there.
Richie
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http://freedomtobeme.com/ Kay Richardson

I really needed this post. I have made efforts to repsond to the comments left onmy blog. This gave me that kick to continue doing it because it “works”. Thanks
ElliStGeorgeGodfrey

One of my favourite questions to ask in seminars and 1:1 coaching sessions, is “why do you customers really buy from you?” Even for my own business, there are times when I’m not quite sure either. Your tips are a good reminder that sales is less about our sellling ability and more about the emotional life our customers are experiencing.
John Perrin

Thank you for the awesome comments. It’s something that is being forgotten that the customer is just a cash point. Too many times do we hear/see people who have be exposed to a salesperson that takes everything without any true thought.

This is the problem with the image of sales and granted it will keep on going this way simply because of the greed some people begin to feel. It is also very important to remind ourselves why we believe the company is unique and what it has to offer.
http://www.wholesalepages.co.uk/ UK Wholesale

Many times salesperson just thinks about him self and ignores the customer’s feelings. This leave bad impact on customer and he perceives a whole company as fraud. To cover this type of problem you have to train your employees and salespersons in such a way that they also take customers as a valuable asset and give respect to them.
John Perrin

That’s very true, as much as having an asset is a good thing consider the mindset you have with one, it’s generally about the value/money that can be generated from it. This is when you need to think about the problems you can solve for the customer and how YOU can become an asset to them. Very valid point however.
John Twohig

HI John, I enjoyed the post but can not agree with you opening statement that we never want to buy anything. We all have needs, different needs at different times in our lives. I do accept that the sales person holds the key to where we purchase the goods or service. As a man I will only by when I need to, what a good sales person should be able to do is get me to purchase the correct product to suit my needs. The sales person should, by the correct use of questions and listening, establishing my needs.
http://www.smartsolutions.ie/blog/ Elaine Rogers

People buy from an emotional state. They justify the logic used to accomodate that emotional state. Women are experts at this! Men are also very good at justifying exactly why they need something.
I disagree that people only buy when they need to. Esp with B2C, clever marketing ploys can entice people to spend money they simply do not have.

But I agree about truthfulness and authenticity. By being empathetic to a client’s pain, and providing the relevant solution to their pain, desire or fear – you are reaching into their emotional reasons why they should buy.
Great post John, to highlight and remind us to listen to the customer, because they ARE always right – they know themselves better than us!
John Perrin

Hi John, glad you enjoyed it. That’s very true, we do have our different needs in our lives but have you ever caved in to the up selling process a supermarket has? The till is lined with junk you didn’t even think you needed or actually wanted but the branding and instant desire is what sways you to buy the chocolate bar. Then you try to back up the decision to buy the bar by saying you are a tad hungry or you need the energy, yet you were fine a couple of minutes ago. The branding there sold itself to you and it changed your emotions as well.
John Perrin

Thanks Elaine! I recently read a study by Ferrazzi Greenlight,
http://www.ferrazzigreenlight.com/sam/FG-How_the_Best_Get_Better.pdf which highlighted how companies saw greater growth focusing on client relationships rather then regular transactions with ‘new’ customers. It’s incredibly interesting and worth a read, but it works hand in hand with the process of dealing with the client’s problems and fixing those issues. If you become a security blanket for the client they will always return without a moments hesitation, so this should really make everyone consider what they are doing for the current client relationships they may have.

But marketing is what plays with our emotions, a half dressed woman has different effects for everyone but nonetheless its pushes around our emotions, which ultimately is the deciding factor for our purchases.
John Perrin

Hi Anton, thanks for the feedback. That is very true, only last week I went and bought a hammock for the summer, looks like autumn will be here first.

Sales as an industry has got into the mindset of 80%-20%, so more talking and less listening basically. Which then defies the logic of solving the customers problems as you don’t really have any idea as to what they require. It’s very irritating actually to see it happen so often, giving the sales industry a bad image that is already suffering with the cheesy lines people get feed.
http://www.dailytrader.com/ Wholesale suppliers

Their is very deep relation between business customers and salesperson. He is the representative of business. It means salesperson is very important for sales of any business but he can’t do any thing if customer is not satisfied. A salesman must know the demand of its business customers and what customer thinks about him, company and products that he is offering. Your post is very helpful right analysis of customer’s thinking.
http://www.bloggertone.com Niall Devitt

Hi Nicola & welcome to TYB & great first post. I think a lot of companies/sales departments misunderstand what CRM is supposed to do/how it helps. Looks like Grafton has it figured out though!
Erin Mc Cann

Great piece on Sales CRM, Nicola. I am Product Manager for Sage CRM in Ireland so have had the opportunity to engage with different companies, ranging from small start up companies to large businesses, discussing how a customer relationship management software can help drive more revenue while delivering an extraordinary customer experience with every customer touch point from sales, marketing and customer support.
The one piece of advice I would give to every customer, no matter how small or big their buisness is, adapt and mould your chosen CRM system into your buisness strategy/plan. Do not adapt or change your strategy and objectives to fit within your CRM system. A CRM solution should be flexible enough to work with your goals and objectives. If its not, time to consider a different solution.
Last piece of advice, try before you buy. Don’t commit to any software until you have “played” around with it. Most vendors offer a 30 day, no obligation free trial.

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